I can't claim to understand it, but from what I can tell, anything you're holding in could be keeping you sick. That might not necessarily mean a secret. Just something you don't like to talk about much.
[ Well. There's plenty of things Charlie doesn't like to talk about much. Plenty of things you just don't talk about much. Parents messing you up, teachers messing you up, death messing you up. That's just the way life is. He sort of figured all of this was just stuff he'd have to take on the nose until he could break free of Welton and his family, carve out a future for himself – but now the future's here, brighter and stranger than he ever could have imagined, and the old chains still rattle.
So... ]
Has it been working for you?
Talking about things you don't like to talk about.
[ It's a lot to lay on someone who barely knows him, but– ]
My wish was to see my dead friend again.
And he's here, but turns out it's not so easy to deal with. Figured I'd just be happy to have him back and that'd be that. Shit's always more complicated than it seems, I guess.
[It's not what Oda's expecting, the confession heavy as it settles. He can't say that he understands Charlie's position; it's Odasaku that's put Dazai in the same one. They aren't the type to talk about that sort of thing. However Charlie feels, Odasaku has to let those emotions be his own. He fears he'll attribute them to someone who isn't here to speak for himself...]
How have you been feeling instead?
[It's nothing he'd normally ask. Normally, he wouldn't ask at all. But these aren't normal circumstances. Death hangs over Visium and Lumindeas. And Charlie's just a boy.]
I didn't mind the place I came from. It was alright in some ways, and not so good in other ways, just like this place is. My life was a lot different though. I wasn't doing much of what I really wanted to.
Here, I'm trying to change that.
[He says this, not only because he himself needs to tell the truth in order to stay healthy, but because it may invite Charlie to express himself too, assuming he feels the same way - and it is, in complete fairness, only an assumption.]
I've heard some real crazy stories from people here. Mine's not that exciting.
I was in school. Pretty strict and prestigious. My father wanted me to become a banker like him, so I was supposed to go to a top college. Study finance. Get married. Have kids. Raise them to be bankers. Carry on the legacy, or something.
I wasn't interested in all that. So it's better I'm here.
In all fairness, a magic-filled alternate reality does sound a lot more interesting than banking. Not that I have any room to judge. My job was pretty boring too.
[Being in the mafia is actually also a lot more interesting than banking, but sure.]
[He knows Dazai doesn't see it that way. He knows Dazai probably wouldn't want him to see it that way. There were things about the Port Mafia that were important, that Oda still cherishes - Dazai, of course, being one of them - but...
[All he wanted was a room by the ocean to write in. He has that now, and more too. If he weren't under yet another contract, maybe he'd finally feel that simple freedom he's always longed for, but...
[It's felt a little better, at least. That could be an illusion. It's not as though he hasn't had to fight here too. He could simply be destined to remain trapped, no matter where he turns..
[But it's felt a little better, at least.]
It was a hard life to break away from once you were in it. I spent a lot of time doing work like that. There's a little more time to do what I want to now.
[Which, with petals fluttering in his lungs:]
I haven't done much with that either. Something holds me back.
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text; un: odasaku
Hey, Charlie-kun.
I've been a little under the weather. I'm working on it.
How are you doing? This has to be the first time you've seen things go strange around here.
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I've been better.
[ He also hasn't been to Quartz in a week. He's barely left the cottage, too miserably sick to even think of it. ]
How are you working on it?
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You want to take a stab at it?
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[He's had a couple of key conversations by now.]
I can't claim to understand it, but from what I can tell, anything you're holding in could be keeping you sick. That might not necessarily mean a secret. Just something you don't like to talk about much.
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So... ]
Has it been working for you?
Talking about things you don't like to talk about.
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From what I've noticed, the symptoms come and go. After talking, I feel better for a while.
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You don't seem like a guy who spills secrets to anyone, but if I tell you something, you'll keep it between us, right?
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My wish was to see my dead friend again.
And he's here, but turns out it's not so easy to deal with. Figured I'd just be happy to have him back and that'd be that. Shit's always more complicated than it seems, I guess.
this is the tag that nerfed me earlier
How have you been feeling instead?
[It's nothing he'd normally ask. Normally, he wouldn't ask at all. But these aren't normal circumstances. Death hangs over Visium and Lumindeas. And Charlie's just a boy.]
good i hope it nerfs you again
He hates to admit it. Guess that means it's something he should be talking about, huh? ]
Scared.
[beegun]
You're afraid you'll lose him again?
[Wait.]
I shouldn't be putting words in your mouth. You won't get better that way.
Just keep talking.
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People sure are quick to tell you nothing good here lasts.
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There are a lot of good things about this place too, though. I think so, anyway.
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I like it better than where I came from. People don't really wanna hear that.
not a pan typo...
Here, I'm trying to change that.
[He says this, not only because he himself needs to tell the truth in order to stay healthy, but because it may invite Charlie to express himself too, assuming he feels the same way - and it is, in complete fairness, only an assumption.]
i didn't eben notice.........
I probably gave you the wrong impression when I talked about that. It's new to me too. The times I did what I wanted, it wasn't anything major.
Here, you can do what you want with your whole life. Not just a few seconds of it. Pretty neat.
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I was in school. Pretty strict and prestigious. My father wanted me to become a banker like him, so I was supposed to go to a top college. Study finance. Get married. Have kids. Raise them to be bankers. Carry on the legacy, or something.
I wasn't interested in all that. So it's better I'm here.
[ Plus, Neil. ]
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[Being in the mafia is actually also a lot more interesting than banking, but sure.]
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[He knows Dazai doesn't see it that way. He knows Dazai probably wouldn't want him to see it that way. There were things about the Port Mafia that were important, that Oda still cherishes - Dazai, of course, being one of them - but...
[All he wanted was a room by the ocean to write in. He has that now, and more too. If he weren't under yet another contract, maybe he'd finally feel that simple freedom he's always longed for, but...
[It's felt a little better, at least. That could be an illusion. It's not as though he hasn't had to fight here too. He could simply be destined to remain trapped, no matter where he turns..
[But it's felt a little better, at least.]
It was a hard life to break away from once you were in it. I spent a lot of time doing work like that. There's a little more time to do what I want to now.
[Which, with petals fluttering in his lungs:]
I haven't done much with that either. Something holds me back.
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It's more than that. Something I haven't figured out yet.
I've wanted more. If you asked me of what, I wouldn't know what to say.
Have you ever felt like that?
god if only oda and neil could have cr
hehe...we can move toward a lil wrap if u wanna
sobs good guy oda!!!!
HE IS GOOD GUY!!!