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[savetheweak]

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[notwalking]

[ It's a lot to lay on someone who barely knows him, but– ]

My wish was to see my dead friend again.

And he's here, but turns out it's not so easy to deal with. Figured I'd just be happy to have him back and that'd be that. Shit's always more complicated than it seems, I guess.

this is the tag that nerfed me earlier

[savetheweak]

[It's not what Oda's expecting, the confession heavy as it settles. He can't say that he understands Charlie's position; it's Odasaku that's put Dazai in the same one. They aren't the type to talk about that sort of thing. However Charlie feels, Odasaku has to let those emotions be his own. He fears he'll attribute them to someone who isn't here to speak for himself...]

How have you been feeling instead?

[It's nothing he'd normally ask. Normally, he wouldn't ask at all. But these aren't normal circumstances. Death hangs over Visium and Lumindeas. And Charlie's just a boy.]

good i hope it nerfs you again

[notwalking]

[ The answer takes a while to come.

He hates to admit it. Guess that means it's something he should be talking about, huh? ]

Scared.

[beegun]

[savetheweak]

[Scared. There would only be one reason why, right?]

You're afraid you'll lose him again?

[Wait.]

I shouldn't be putting words in your mouth. You won't get better that way.

Just keep talking.

[notwalking]

No, you got it. Guess it's not too hard to figure out.

People sure are quick to tell you nothing good here lasts.

[savetheweak]

They are. It's gotta be disheartening, hearing all from the minute you wake up.

There are a lot of good things about this place too, though. I think so, anyway.

[notwalking]

You think so? I do too.

I like it better than where I came from. People don't really wanna hear that.

not a pan typo...

[savetheweak]

I didn't mind the place I came from. It was alright in some ways, and not so good in other ways, just like this place is. My life was a lot different though. I wasn't doing much of what I really wanted to.

Here, I'm trying to change that.

[He says this, not only because he himself needs to tell the truth in order to stay healthy, but because it may invite Charlie to express himself too, assuming he feels the same way - and it is, in complete fairness, only an assumption.]

i didn't eben notice.........

[notwalking]

Yeah, sucking the marrow, right? Learning how to, anyway.

I probably gave you the wrong impression when I talked about that. It's new to me too. The times I did what I wanted, it wasn't anything major.

Here, you can do what you want with your whole life. Not just a few seconds of it. Pretty neat.

[savetheweak]

What were you doing with your life before? You must not have liked it much.

[notwalking]

I've heard some real crazy stories from people here. Mine's not that exciting.

I was in school. Pretty strict and prestigious. My father wanted me to become a banker like him, so I was supposed to go to a top college. Study finance. Get married. Have kids. Raise them to be bankers. Carry on the legacy, or something.

I wasn't interested in all that. So it's better I'm here.

[ Plus, Neil. ]

[savetheweak]

In all fairness, a magic-filled alternate reality does sound a lot more interesting than banking. Not that I have any room to judge. My job was pretty boring too.

[Being in the mafia is actually also a lot more interesting than banking, but sure.]

[notwalking]

Is it a relief you don't have to do it anymore?

[savetheweak]

It is.

[He knows Dazai doesn't see it that way. He knows Dazai probably wouldn't want him to see it that way. There were things about the Port Mafia that were important, that Oda still cherishes - Dazai, of course, being one of them - but...

[All he wanted was a room by the ocean to write in. He has that now, and more too. If he weren't under yet another contract, maybe he'd finally feel that simple freedom he's always longed for, but...

[It's felt a little better, at least. That could be an illusion. It's not as though he hasn't had to fight here too. He could simply be destined to remain trapped, no matter where he turns..

[But it's felt a little better, at least.]

It was a hard life to break away from once you were in it. I spent a lot of time doing work like that. There's a little more time to do what I want to now.

[Which, with petals fluttering in his lungs:]

I haven't done much with that either. Something holds me back.

[notwalking]

Writing, right? You're still stuck for inspiration?

[savetheweak]

[That's right. I guess I have to keep searching.]

It's more than that. Something I haven't figured out yet.

I've wanted more. If you asked me of what, I wouldn't know what to say.

Have you ever felt like that?

god if only oda and neil could have cr

[notwalking]

Yeah. In a different way than what you're getting at, though. At least I think so anyway.

I wrote a poem about that once. I got my sax back, so once I can breathe I'll read it to you if you want.

Dunno if it'll help but it can't hurt.

hehe...we can move toward a lil wrap if u wanna

[savetheweak]

I'd like that, Charlie-san.

How are you breathing now? Did we make any difference?

sobs good guy oda!!!!

[notwalking]

I'm breathing a little easier, Odasaku. Thanks.

I really owe you one when we're better.

HE IS GOOD GUY!!!

[savetheweak]

That poem will do fine.

I'll see you around, Charlie-san.