[Odasaku never lived a life where he didn't feel chained by something. Even here, he's chained by something. He's not sure what it is this time. The chain tugs when Dazai points it out. There must be something that chains Dazai too. Ango was chained.
[They were all friends for a reason. Is that it?
[Something else bothers him more. He watches his friend. Knowing Dazai at twenty-two didn't tell Odasaku anything about a future that he would have to live. Dazai knows his own future intimately now. How must that feel? Odasaku can't imagine...
[Regardless, though, despite how baffling it all is...]
[ Dazai is undeniably brilliant. He's like a thousand-year old sage. His plans are perfect. His read on people is perfect. He knows more about them than they do themselves most days. That's why nothing surprises him and nothing interests him for very long, and he's never tethered himself to anything in earnest.
But he's an eighteen-year-old boy too, one capable of all those feelings that someone his age can experience. Right now is the same as always, where he's not certain what to do with what Odasaku says to him. ]
That's right. Reality is reality. This world is as real as any other, and the people in it are just as real too. What people do here and now matters.
[ That's the conclusion he comes to after. It might seem like a shift in the narrative, but it's his own way of accepting those words.
His back is starting to hurt from sitting like this, and he stretches out before leaning back against the armrest once more and resting his hands on his thighs. ]
I don't know how long I can handle living in this town, but somewhere else will be fine. There are better places out there.
[ He can't stay like this forever, but he can't stay here either; if he starts to feel like a dog on a leash and collar, he wants to chew through it and rip off the arm that's holding it Still, his feelings haven't changed. Dazai has no desire to go back by himself. ]
[Odasaku doesn't mind the shift. It's the same point he was getting at. Dazai's life is still a life that will progress forward in a way he can't predict. When Odasaku died, he told Dazai that he'd always be empty. That doesn't mean he doesn't want his friend near.]
It's definitely an interesting place. You might not experience what you mentioned earlier anywhere else.
[ He watches for a moment more. There's conflicted feelings swirling around, ones that he doesn't know what to deal with, and none of which he has any reference for. But he sets it aside for now, instead finally sitting up properly so he can scoot over next to Odasaku and look to him. ]
[That seems to be that, then. Odasaku's smiles rarely show on his face, but he feels one. He's fond. He bumps Dazai's shoulder with his and gets up to go make more coffee. Maybe Dazai will follow if he isn't too distracted by his phone. Odasaku will make him some regardless.]
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[They were all friends for a reason. Is that it?
[Something else bothers him more. He watches his friend. Knowing Dazai at twenty-two didn't tell Odasaku anything about a future that he would have to live. Dazai knows his own future intimately now. How must that feel? Odasaku can't imagine...
[Regardless, though, despite how baffling it all is...]
How you feel now matters too.
You aren't a memory. You're right here.
no subject
[ Dazai is undeniably brilliant. He's like a thousand-year old sage. His plans are perfect. His read on people is perfect. He knows more about them than they do themselves most days. That's why nothing surprises him and nothing interests him for very long, and he's never tethered himself to anything in earnest.
But he's an eighteen-year-old boy too, one capable of all those feelings that someone his age can experience. Right now is the same as always, where he's not certain what to do with what Odasaku says to him. ]
That's right. Reality is reality. This world is as real as any other, and the people in it are just as real too. What people do here and now matters.
[ That's the conclusion he comes to after. It might seem like a shift in the narrative, but it's his own way of accepting those words.
His back is starting to hurt from sitting like this, and he stretches out before leaning back against the armrest once more and resting his hands on his thighs. ]
I don't know how long I can handle living in this town, but somewhere else will be fine. There are better places out there.
[ He can't stay like this forever, but he can't stay here either; if he starts to feel like a dog on a leash and collar, he wants to chew through it and rip off the arm that's holding it Still, his feelings haven't changed. Dazai has no desire to go back by himself. ]
no subject
It's definitely an interesting place. You might not experience what you mentioned earlier anywhere else.
Still, I'd like to see what's out there too.
So, we'll see it. That's what we decided.
i was going to wrap but maybe just a lil more
[ He watches for a moment more. There's conflicted feelings swirling around, ones that he doesn't know what to deal with, and none of which he has any reference for. But he sets it aside for now, instead finally sitting up properly so he can scoot over next to Odasaku and look to him. ]
You're going to be my best man.
no subject
[The man who stands beside him at the end of the aisle. That's right.]
I really don't believe you at all...
[Let him know that first.]
But sure. I would be.
no subject
[ Are you saying he can't find a wife, Odasaku, because you're right if so. Not here anyway.
He's sulking now in the most melodramatic way possible now as he leans against Odasaku, folding his arms. ]
You're right. I'm going to be left at the altar...
[ And he's taking out his phone and texting BB, dragging out the process. Look at what you did, Odasaku. ]
hehe we can wrap here