Maruki gives it long, considerate thought. Oda doesn't seem to mind silences, so he lets one settle for as long as his mind pleases. Then, eventually: ]
Yes and no. Which... well, if you continue to get to know me, you'll find that's my answer to most things.
[ A self-effacing little chuckle. The curry is abandoned for the moment as he props both elbows up on the table to fold his hands together and rest his chin on top of them. ]
Being here has changed me in ways that I simply don't think would have been possible back home. Some of the people I've met... I have a difficult time imagining my life without them now, in any reality. And that includes someone who is from my same Tokyo! We never would have had reason to meet there, but here he's become so important to me that I can't imagine how we'll ever go back to our separate lives.
[ He tips his head to one side then, as if conceding to the opposite viewpoint. ]
That said, we will. We must. I value the bonds I've forged here, but no, I'm not glad that I was brought to a volatile reality to have my memories and dreams manipulated by an unseen force. I resent anything done to me against my will, and I very much include being contracted by a wish in that.
[ A beat, and then she shrugs. ]
My apologies for rambling on. It's an interesting question.
[Oda might consider himself to be a "yes and no" person too, though he doesn't say so. He gets it, though. They've been trapped in a shitty situation, and, quite frankly, even someone trapped in a less shitty situation would still be trapped, right?
[Yeah. He gets it.]
I get it. Your reasoning makes sense on both sides. Considering everyone here is trapped...
I'd say something like that would make those bonds even more remarkable, in ways. Like inmates in a prison.
Still. Eventually, the people who serve their sentence will leave that prison. Anyone who stays remains living in another world entirely. That's just how it is.
[ Inmates in a prison. That's a new one. An apt description, too, especially when it comes to those who choose to remain. Everyone is allowed to make their own decisions, live with those consequences, but Maruki cannot ever imagine willingly subjecting himself to a reality as manipulative as this one. Even for those to whom the alternative is death...
He hums thoughtfully as he digs back into the curry. ]
That is just how it is. Of course, we have no way of knowing when our sentence is up, so to speak...
[ His eyes lift then, watching Oda carefully. ]
What about you? I know that it's all still new, but are you glad to be here?
Hm. [Oda takes another bite, thoughtful as he chews.]
I guess that's a bit of a complicated question. Both parts of my answer feel selfish.
[Asahi break. He eventually sets the beer and the utensil down and looks eye-to-eye at Maruki. There's really no point in being dishonest. Oda isn't used to talking about such significant things - not with friends, and not with near-strangers - but he doesn't mind it, really. It's not like any of what he's saying is particularly privileged, it's just...not normally what someone would bother asking him.
[Aside from that, they're all in the same (supposedly shitty) situation. Everyone here could probably afford a confidant or two.]
There's a person in this world whom I thought I would never see again. I'm happy to be with my friend. I can't deny that at all, and I wouldn't want to.
That being said, I've heard about the sort of things that can happen in this place, and I'm not particularly happy about being an "inmate," so to speak. [Air quotes.]
Captivity isn't the life I want, but I can't deny the benefits, either. It's complex.
You've hit on another one of those complicating factors. Friends and loved ones are reunited all the time here. For some, returning to their original reality means returning to a life without that person... or to their own death, knowing that the other will be left without them.
[ He makes a vague weighty gesture with his free hand. ]
Is it better to be captive with people you've missed, or to be free and alone or worse? The answer varies for each person, and even when they choose one, there are bits of the other that are still appealing. Generally, I think it's best to make the most of the time afforded to us here, even for those of us who are trying to leave.
[ Another spoonful of curry and he quickly waves that hand through the air, apologetic. ]
But I digress. There's someone else from your reality here? And a friend, too – that's a huge help!
[None of this is anything that Oda hasn't already privately confronted a thousand times. He has a soul that yearns for freedom. That's probably always been true. It hasn't been enough, though, and Oda never truly fought for the freedom he wanted - not until he was pushed past the point of no return, and the freedom he found there, well...
[False, naturally. Why would he start fighting a war now that he never did before? It feels hypocritical.
[That being said, some things have changed since he left the world he was born into. He's traded one enslavement for another, but that isn't insignificant. He is not in the Port Mafia anymore.
[And he doesn't want to be an inmate again. More than that...
[He nods once.]
There is. And I'd like for him not to be an inmate either, I think. [Would Dazai hate Odasaku for, in this, selecting the path that separates them?
[Maybe. He doesn't know. It doesn't change how he feels.]
It's a good answer, in my opinion. If he's half as thoughtful as you, I hope I'm able to meet him soon.
[ A bit of pleasant silence as they both eat and drink, comfortable for a time before Maruki, ever the talker, has to break it. ]
Can I ask you about that story you told Venat? About the curry shop owner and the children he looked after. Is that where your fondness for the dish comes from?
[Ah. He might have expected the consequences of sharing that story, but the wave rises up and swallows, regardless.
[It's worse than drowning, actually - a drowning person can still try to swim, still choke down water in vain. Oda is suspended; roots and thorns and clawed hands and teeth and barbed razor wire weaving through his body, crawling out of open wounds and anchoring themselves to invisible hooks - he cannot move. He could never move.
[He pictures himself tearing out every hook, every line, ripping his body open from every angle until it's clear there's nothing, nothing...
[What filled that terrible void? There is no story left to write. He was never human to begin with.
[So, his fingers curl around his spoon slightly as he lifts more curry into his mouth - and that's all. There's not a flicker in his expression - just a passing breeze that makes him twitch his nose. The only delay is the time it takes to chew.]
It's not, but I've been eating at that curry restaurant for years now. Curry rice has always been my favorite, but Uncle's is the best in Yokohama. I really believe that.
He sounds like more than a good man. A saint, almost.
[ Maruki's very nearly done with his meal, but he's enjoying Oda's company, so he stops to roll the half-full beer can between his palms and offer him a kindly smile, a piece of his own home. ]
It's funny, actually. There was a café back in my Tokyo with the best coffee you could imagine, and the only food they sold was curry. It was just as good as their drinks! And the man who ran the place...
[ Sakura glaring at him, telling him to get out. Being placated by the young girl with Akira's cat. He thinks they came to some sort of understanding, in the end. He would have liked to have gotten to know him better... ]
He didn't take in orphans like that, but he did house and feed a young friend of mine who had nowhere else to go. Maybe there's something to curry shop owners, eh?
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no subject
Maruki gives it long, considerate thought. Oda doesn't seem to mind silences, so he lets one settle for as long as his mind pleases. Then, eventually: ]
Yes and no. Which... well, if you continue to get to know me, you'll find that's my answer to most things.
[ A self-effacing little chuckle. The curry is abandoned for the moment as he props both elbows up on the table to fold his hands together and rest his chin on top of them. ]
Being here has changed me in ways that I simply don't think would have been possible back home. Some of the people I've met... I have a difficult time imagining my life without them now, in any reality. And that includes someone who is from my same Tokyo! We never would have had reason to meet there, but here he's become so important to me that I can't imagine how we'll ever go back to our separate lives.
[ He tips his head to one side then, as if conceding to the opposite viewpoint. ]
That said, we will. We must. I value the bonds I've forged here, but no, I'm not glad that I was brought to a volatile reality to have my memories and dreams manipulated by an unseen force. I resent anything done to me against my will, and I very much include being contracted by a wish in that.
[ A beat, and then she shrugs. ]
My apologies for rambling on. It's an interesting question.
no subject
It's an interesting answer.
[Oda might consider himself to be a "yes and no" person too, though he doesn't say so. He gets it, though. They've been trapped in a shitty situation, and, quite frankly, even someone trapped in a less shitty situation would still be trapped, right?
[Yeah. He gets it.]
I get it. Your reasoning makes sense on both sides. Considering everyone here is trapped...
I'd say something like that would make those bonds even more remarkable, in ways. Like inmates in a prison.
Still. Eventually, the people who serve their sentence will leave that prison. Anyone who stays remains living in another world entirely. That's just how it is.
no subject
He hums thoughtfully as he digs back into the curry. ]
That is just how it is. Of course, we have no way of knowing when our sentence is up, so to speak...
[ His eyes lift then, watching Oda carefully. ]
What about you? I know that it's all still new, but are you glad to be here?
no subject
I guess that's a bit of a complicated question. Both parts of my answer feel selfish.
[Asahi break. He eventually sets the beer and the utensil down and looks eye-to-eye at Maruki. There's really no point in being dishonest. Oda isn't used to talking about such significant things - not with friends, and not with near-strangers - but he doesn't mind it, really. It's not like any of what he's saying is particularly privileged, it's just...not normally what someone would bother asking him.
[Aside from that, they're all in the same (supposedly shitty) situation. Everyone here could probably afford a confidant or two.]
There's a person in this world whom I thought I would never see again. I'm happy to be with my friend. I can't deny that at all, and I wouldn't want to.
That being said, I've heard about the sort of things that can happen in this place, and I'm not particularly happy about being an "inmate," so to speak. [Air quotes.]
Captivity isn't the life I want, but I can't deny the benefits, either. It's complex.
no subject
You've hit on another one of those complicating factors. Friends and loved ones are reunited all the time here. For some, returning to their original reality means returning to a life without that person... or to their own death, knowing that the other will be left without them.
[ He makes a vague weighty gesture with his free hand. ]
Is it better to be captive with people you've missed, or to be free and alone or worse? The answer varies for each person, and even when they choose one, there are bits of the other that are still appealing. Generally, I think it's best to make the most of the time afforded to us here, even for those of us who are trying to leave.
[ Another spoonful of curry and he quickly waves that hand through the air, apologetic. ]
But I digress. There's someone else from your reality here? And a friend, too – that's a huge help!
no subject
[False, naturally. Why would he start fighting a war now that he never did before? It feels hypocritical.
[That being said, some things have changed since he left the world he was born into. He's traded one enslavement for another, but that isn't insignificant. He is not in the Port Mafia anymore.
[And he doesn't want to be an inmate again. More than that...
[He nods once.]
There is. And I'd like for him not to be an inmate either, I think. [Would Dazai hate Odasaku for, in this, selecting the path that separates them?
[Maybe. He doesn't know. It doesn't change how he feels.]
There's my answer, then.
no subject
[ A bit of pleasant silence as they both eat and drink, comfortable for a time before Maruki, ever the talker, has to break it. ]
Can I ask you about that story you told Venat? About the curry shop owner and the children he looked after. Is that where your fondness for the dish comes from?
cw: body horror, grief (ue ue ue)
[It's worse than drowning, actually - a drowning person can still try to swim, still choke down water in vain. Oda is suspended; roots and thorns and clawed hands and teeth and barbed razor wire weaving through his body, crawling out of open wounds and anchoring themselves to invisible hooks - he cannot move. He could never move.
[He pictures himself tearing out every hook, every line, ripping his body open from every angle until it's clear there's nothing, nothing...
[What filled that terrible void? There is no story left to write. He was never human to begin with.
[So, his fingers curl around his spoon slightly as he lifts more curry into his mouth - and that's all. There's not a flicker in his expression - just a passing breeze that makes him twitch his nose. The only delay is the time it takes to chew.]
It's not, but I've been eating at that curry restaurant for years now. Curry rice has always been my favorite, but Uncle's is the best in Yokohama. I really believe that.
And he's a good man.
no subject
[ Maruki's very nearly done with his meal, but he's enjoying Oda's company, so he stops to roll the half-full beer can between his palms and offer him a kindly smile, a piece of his own home. ]
It's funny, actually. There was a café back in my Tokyo with the best coffee you could imagine, and the only food they sold was curry. It was just as good as their drinks! And the man who ran the place...
[ Sakura glaring at him, telling him to get out. Being placated by the young girl with Akira's cat. He thinks they came to some sort of understanding, in the end. He would have liked to have gotten to know him better... ]
He didn't take in orphans like that, but he did house and feed a young friend of mine who had nowhere else to go. Maybe there's something to curry shop owners, eh?
we can move toward a lil wrap if u wanna
[Oda couldn't smile if he tried, but, luckily, he rarely does anyway. Funny, that.]
That makes two. That's pretty compelling evidence.
hehe i had the same thought - take us home king
It's a small data set, but not a totally irrelevant one.
[ He pushes the leftover containers closer to Oda, insistent. ]
We ought to meet up like this again, I've really enjoyed our chat. Once you're settled somewhere, I'd be happy to come cook for you.
it was a pleasure threading with you this evening - sasagey - and I cannot stress this enough - yo
I'd like that. I'll let you know when. [And, because we now know the future, Maruki will likely see a familiar and memorable face.]