[Some short breath leaves him, but it isn't a laugh. He feels weak suddenly, dizzy, but he doesn't show it other than tapping his front shirt pocket to make sure he has his cigarettes.]
[ how likely will it be to see dazai again? here, in this deathless place? a place he found no real reprieve? maybe they shouldn't. but at the same time, here they were. purgatorial beings.
[Oda? Mourn? Has he ever mourned? At some point, he must have lost his parents, but he doesn't remember. He's taken hundreds of human lives, witnessed the death of all his children, but has he ever mourned? Burning out like a supernova doesn't count. What is Dolph saying? The words sound so foreign.
[He's quiet too long, or at least it feels too long. His body leans into Dolph's touch.]
[ dolph's no expert either. to him, mourning was perpetual. endless. a part of his being. he mourned what could have been. the people he lost. the regrets.
alex. there'll always be a part that mourns their love. the first. the last. dolph lets out a quiet breath. ]
[ second hand smoke is something he's used to. nostalgic. the only difference is alex loved thick cigars. his only luxury in eden. he would joke about it too. ]
[Dolph never minds. Oda takes a cigarette out of his pack and lights it up, the first drag as lovely as it always is, laced with something terrible and hollow. He breathes it out, and they keep walking.
[Oda's quiet for a moment, smoking, moving, and then:]
You're Dolph to me. I like your name the way it is.
[At this - at this - Oda finally smiles. It's small, and it's his birthday, and his best friend is gone, and his other best friend is here, and his other best friend is near, and his last best friend has been long gone too long...
[But Oda smiles.]
You're right. Things would be a little different if you resembled a dolphin.
[ dolph just — watches. for him, it's still so rare to see a smile. much less being the recipient. the reason. he had fans long ago. fake smiles and real ones. he lived in a world of half-realities. nothing was true. everything was a betrayal.
and here, people smile at him all the time. it never stops being baffling. eventually, he shrugs, fighting off a dark flush. ]
You're a writer. I'm sure you'll come up with something.
[You're a writer. And what makes a writer? They have to write - Oda has been writing. He's shown Dolph some of it, showed Dazai some of it, never felt all that confident about his words, though they are beautiful.
[Dolph looks at him and sees a writer. It makes his heart swell in his chest like a terrible wave, and that smile softens, warm and affectionate.]
I'll make it simple, then. "Dokkun". That's what I'll call you.
[ despite knowing many people from japan, dolph's never quite picked up the tenor and vocabulary they use, so he sounds it out curiously, hopefully matching the pronunciation. it rests easily and he finds . . . he does like it. ]
Sure. Dokkun it is. Should I let Maruki know or should we keep it between us?
[ that stops him short. for dolph, his feelings seem rather simple. perhaps that's annoying to see it so, with all his relationships and loves, but he's always wanted to be that way. simple, uncomplicated. to love and live and nothing else. ]
I did.
[ a pause because oda isn't asking for confirmation. he is, for once, asking for more. ]
It felt right. The shape of my feelings for you, in that moment.
[Dolph gets a second smile from Oda, but this one is different. Wide and warm, there's a peace to it that is so rarely seen in Oda, though he is quiet, though he is unobtrusive, though he is mild.
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He did get pissed off at me. Like he wouldn't let me use anything else.
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It was important to him. Must have been.
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Everything about you was important to him.
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[He stops. If he doesn't keep going, he'll die, but he stops. He stops.
[And his voice is quiet. Hoarse.]
I shouldn't talk about him like he's dead.
I'm the dead one.
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so he keeps his hand there. steady. ]
He's not here right now.
You're allowed to mourn that.
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[He's quiet too long, or at least it feels too long. His body leans into Dolph's touch.]
I've never done that before.
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alex. there'll always be a part that mourns their love. the first. the last. dolph lets out a quiet breath. ]
We'll pour him a glass. And figure it out.
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I always do.
[Pour him a glass, figure it out.
[Oda clears his throat a bit.]
Mind if I smoke?
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[ second hand smoke is something he's used to. nostalgic. the only difference is alex loved thick cigars. his only luxury in eden. he would joke about it too. ]
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[Oda's quiet for a moment, smoking, moving, and then:]
You're Dolph to me. I like your name the way it is.
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It's probably the only thing I really remember. Still, it's hard to come up with fun nicknames for a word like "Dolph".
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Anyone ever call you a dolphin before?
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No, not really. It's not like I resemble one.
Besides the colour.
[ taps on his visor for emphasis. ]
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[But Oda smiles.]
You're right. Things would be a little different if you resembled a dolphin.
So, that won't do...
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and here, people smile at him all the time. it never stops being baffling. eventually, he shrugs, fighting off a dark flush. ]
You're a writer. I'm sure you'll come up with something.
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[Dolph looks at him and sees a writer. It makes his heart swell in his chest like a terrible wave, and that smile softens, warm and affectionate.]
I'll make it simple, then. "Dokkun". That's what I'll call you.
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[ despite knowing many people from japan, dolph's never quite picked up the tenor and vocabulary they use, so he sounds it out curiously, hopefully matching the pronunciation. it rests easily and he finds . . . he does like it. ]
Sure. Dokkun it is. Should I let Maruki know or should we keep it between us?
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A nickname like that...it's more personal, I think. Just something I'd call my close friend.
I won't lie. It's a little childish too, but...I like it.
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That's fine. It's between us.
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Between us, then. [Oda nudges him back. Quartz is just down the road - Oda can see it in the distance.
[He wants more. Maruki pulled Oda into his arms when he returned, and it was more touch than he'd ever known. Maybe he'd wanted Dolph to do the same.]
Heya, Dokkun...I was wondering about something...
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Wondering about what?
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[Still...it's rare that Oda is ever kissed.]
You kissed me once.
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I did.
[ a pause because oda isn't asking for confirmation. he is, for once, asking for more. ]
It felt right. The shape of my feelings for you, in that moment.
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[He nods his head.]
I understand.
[Hell. He kissed back.]
Thanks for that.
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You're welcome. C'mon. Your drink awaits.