[Just like that. All of the warnings he'd heard up until now had, he realized, at least somewhat fallen on deaf ears. No one ever expects to lose their best friend. No one ever expects to lose their children. No one ever expects to lose themselves - not even Dazai, Odasaku doesn't think. Not really.
[Odasaku remembers grief as violent, screaming, scraping knees agains the asphalt, throat ripped open. He couldn't live with it.
[This grief was different, a deep emptiness. Odasaku has never been one to sulk.
[He canceled his plans. He turned off his phone. He stayed in bed. He waited...
[And he became keenly, intimately, miserably aware of just exactly how Dazai must have felt, spending four long years alone, because only one man had ever tried to understand him.
[It's worse than rot. He'd have to pull himself back up again, somehow. Death is no longer an option.
[And since when was Odasaku the one to think about death so much, anyway? Dazai always makes it sound beautiful, but Odasaku doesn't think so. It's a sickening desperation.
[The door to the cottage open. Hope springs, as painful as a bullet clear through the chest. Odasaku is out of his room and into the living area. He doesn't let himself expect, but he can't help but reach. Who else would simply invite themselves in? No one else, but--]
Dazai. [Breathless. Stunned. Odasaku's eyes widen, his mouth falling open.
[Dazai.
[Dazai, but not just Dazai - his. The Dazai he remembers. The Dazai he knew three months ago. The Dazai he abandoned.
[This world makes no sense. He'd seen this Dazai when the rifts took over Somnius, but this feels different, somehow. That time has ended, hasn't it?
[Oda notices his hand is reaching.
[He should pull it back.
[He doesn't. He grips one of Dazai's hanging sleeves.]
Where...? Dazai... You're...
[Rendered speechless. Perhaps not unfitting, but his expression has never been quite this broken open again.]
kill me (cw: child death, grief, suicidal ideation)
[Gone.
[Just like that. All of the warnings he'd heard up until now had, he realized, at least somewhat fallen on deaf ears. No one ever expects to lose their best friend. No one ever expects to lose their children. No one ever expects to lose themselves - not even Dazai, Odasaku doesn't think. Not really.
[Odasaku remembers grief as violent, screaming, scraping knees agains the asphalt, throat ripped open. He couldn't live with it.
[This grief was different, a deep emptiness. Odasaku has never been one to sulk.
[He canceled his plans. He turned off his phone. He stayed in bed. He waited...
[And he became keenly, intimately, miserably aware of just exactly how Dazai must have felt, spending four long years alone, because only one man had ever tried to understand him.
[It's worse than rot. He'd have to pull himself back up again, somehow. Death is no longer an option.
[And since when was Odasaku the one to think about death so much, anyway? Dazai always makes it sound beautiful, but Odasaku doesn't think so. It's a sickening desperation.
[The door to the cottage open. Hope springs, as painful as a bullet clear through the chest. Odasaku is out of his room and into the living area. He doesn't let himself expect, but he can't help but reach. Who else would simply invite themselves in? No one else, but--]
Dazai. [Breathless. Stunned. Odasaku's eyes widen, his mouth falling open.
[Dazai.
[Dazai, but not just Dazai - his. The Dazai he remembers. The Dazai he knew three months ago. The Dazai he abandoned.
[This world makes no sense. He'd seen this Dazai when the rifts took over Somnius, but this feels different, somehow. That time has ended, hasn't it?
[Oda notices his hand is reaching.
[He should pull it back.
[He doesn't. He grips one of Dazai's hanging sleeves.]
Where...? Dazai... You're...
[Rendered speechless. Perhaps not unfitting, but his expression has never been quite this broken open again.]
I...I thought you were gone.